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again! And happy new year, of course 🙂
I wanted to share my next observations of moods and thoughts of me and other people and tell about some new invasive thoughts, mental attacks and programs that are attacking me by some time.
About 2 weeks ago I started to have another mental attacks with power exceeding everything I know. I can clearly say that this period of time, Christmas and New Year Eve were energetically worst I remember in history. Very depressive, hopeless moods hit me and many other people despite lack of bigger problems and disasters. Maybe it could me just December and lack of sun but… It doesn`t explain those invasive mental programs at all.
First attacking programs were “telling” that everything is totally obsolete, unnecessary, useless. Everything other than things necessary to maintain life. These thoughts and programs told that we don`t need any good emotions, experiences, fun, relationships, abilities, knowledge, strength, intellect, evolution etc and we need just to be immortal, immobilized, blind and deaf cripples tied to hospital beds and maintained by life support machines. These thoughts told that this would be final stage of evolution, where we would be free from work, school, wars, arguments and other things and live in real utopia. Along with these thoughts there was very powerful strike of depression, sense of meaninglessness, fatigue, somnolence, torpor, and pression not only in head but also in other parts of body. Relly frightening things, much more powerful than before.
Second attack – nightmarish thoughts started to “teach” me about logic and “moral values”. They said that normal relations between people are crazy prostitution, cannibalism, incest, pedophilia, necrophilia, zoophilia, coprophilia, rapes, orgies and killing each other just to eat someone and rape his corpse. Attacking thoughts said that there is nothing bad and strange in killing, raping, and eating own parents, children, siblings and friends and asked me to show logical, mathematical explaination why this is bad. I can say sincerely – I was totally aghast.
Third attack – still remains. Now attacking thoughts are telling me that there is way better to be stupid and ignorant than intelligent and aware, because stupid people are happy, they are happy having sex, taking drugs and drinking vodka, they accept even worst jobs and don`t think about any science, art and philosophy, but still have access to technology and art of civilization by just buying it. The same thoughts are telling that everything beyond working, eating and sleeping is waste of time, energy and resources. Feelings during these attacks are just nightmarish. Depression, hopelessness, apathy, torpor, lack of faith, suicidal thoughts, dreams about not existing at all. Real hell on Earth.
The important thing is that not only me felt such things. Many people from my environment are sleepy, tired, some have depression symptoms and don`t have force and desire to anything.
All these attacks, moods, thoughts and some observations of our world led me to read about dystopian and anti-utopian topics. I finished Aldous Huxley
s book "Brave New World", now Im reading George Orwell
s "1984" and will read soon Yevgeny Zamyatins “We”. I watched also movie “Equilibrium”. What can I say… I`m really frightened how much things are similar in my attacks to these in that literature. The same logic, the same dehumanization, tyranny, considering freedom, feelings and progress as something bad, illegal, immoral or useless.
And my standard question: do you have/had similar things?