The Kea Parrot of New Zealand: A Wonderful Bird That Spawns Terrible Babies


Adorable animals exist that spawn terrifying babies! The kea is one of them!

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Kea before and after: Keas parrots babies are abominable. Photo: Action Press / Rex Features and Rubin Bush

The kea is a fairly exotic mountain-dwelling parrot from New Zealand, best known for the bright coloring on its wings and its propensity for intelligence (the kea can even solve simple puzzles). And since it’s so goddamn smart, the first question we’d like to ask it is: What’s the deal with your terrible babies? And why on Earth would you keep making more of them?

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Kea abominable little birdy. Photos: digital Spy and Action Press / Rex Features

Jesus! It looks like it wants to puke just thinking about itself. Yes, the beautiful multicolored genius parrot started life as this abomination, which looks more like something your cat coughed up than a living thing. Much like Neville Longbottom, puberty is apparently very, very kind to the kea.

According to experts, the reason the kea is listed as a “vulnerable” species is “mainly due to mammals which are able to get into its nests to steal eggs and young.” This implies that kea mothers are just as repulsed by these things as we are, leaving their nests unprotected while they head off to the local parrot bar to get plastered and forget about their ungodly spawn for an hour or two.

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